It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
