He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
