Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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