I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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