literally had 100 drinks last night.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
