Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
