I can tuck mytits in my pants
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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