Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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