And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
