was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize