Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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