I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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