Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Fuck appropriateness.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
