Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
