My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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