I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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