I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
