i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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