apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
