this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize