Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
