he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
