the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
