apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We need a shit load of segways right now
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
