Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
