Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
