Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
