well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize