just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
