My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
