Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
