I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
