Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
