Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
