kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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