My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
