So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
