I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
you never un-have a 4some
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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