Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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