From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
