what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
