How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
