just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
