I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
These tits shall not be calmed
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
