Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
