Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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