i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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