You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
oh god was she eating orange peels again
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize