the new term for farting is butt boxing.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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