every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
where am i from again
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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