I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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