I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
