so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
