I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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