brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
