What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
