I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Randomize
