I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize