Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
