question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I forget how to act sober
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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