One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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