I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
