just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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