I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
