OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
