He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
