he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
