He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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