Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
