I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
